What happened to the girl I got married to?

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First off let’s just see what this is all about. You remember how romantic you guys were when you were just boy and girl friend. Remember how free it was. Going out on the sly and enjoying every moment. Getting caught in the “act”. Romantic messages and all that.

Then you guys decide to marry and the wedding goes well and stuff. After the marriage things turn slowly. You seem to understand the person who you were with is so different. Sometime they don’t even understand what’s happening.

How can this be? have they had a different idea? anyone else is trying to put the moves on my guy/girl?

I bet a lot of people have this problem. Let me just put it in a simple way.

You have opened your laptop and you got SONGS. You friend was generous to give you 90% of his collection. We are talking about 40 hours of songs. So you browse through the songs. You select the songs you like and omit the songs you don’t want. This is the girlfriend/boyfriend stage. Either person will accept what they like and reject what they don’t.

Then you go to the synching part. The day you get married. So you hook up the laptop to your potable device and starts synching.

Now you got the same songs from the laptop to the device. What you don’t know is the the songs you may have synched could be a version you don’t like. The best song you love maybe corrupt and you cannot play it. Maybe the song format is not compatible with the player. etc. This is when after the first night with your wife you see she is different. She has her own things to do. She seems to not understand things sometimes. etc.

So when we talk in terms of Songs what would a person do?

He will first see the situation and Understand the problem. If the song is corrupt was there a working one on the laptop? Where can he re-download it from? Is the downloading site TRUSTABLE? What converter can I use? Can I install a compatible player on the device? etc.So after a time he finds the solutions and works them out and comes on top of it all.

With relevance to life what would a person do?

He will UNDERSTAND the situation and with TRUST he will work things out.

So let me give a small scenario on what I mean.

After marriage my wife is like my mom. She tells me to keep the floor clean and not to scatter the clothes on the ground. That I should wash my clothes, WTF is happening.

If you have an awesome wife she will be understanding and help you change to a better person. I understood that if I mess the place it will look bad on both of us. Why wait till the last moment to clear the mess? Why wail till someone comes into the room and you are shifting clothes here and there? Also it is a fact that this will probably go to your children. If you are messy the children will be messy too. By then if you try to fix them they will look you in the face and say “PRACTICE WHAT YOU PREACH”. Then you have to look elsewhere.

So the wife may not always be right if you see that it is not right. learn to accept what she told then when she’s calm correct her. Also one main thing, never keep thing to tell later. Always if there is something tell her and give all the information. She needs to know what happens because you both are a part of each other. If there is a fight end it. You give in and give her a hug. Come to a conclusion. LEARN TO ACCEPT YOUR MISTAKES. 🙂 I am not shouting just highlighting.

Now what most people do is “Let’s change the device” and buys a different one. Which is where you go in for a divorce and marry again. Never do that.

Remember that if your marriage is getting stale/Lame you lack intimacy. So just for a moment think a bit. This women who I am going out with now and having fun is because we are intimate. Once I marry her it will be the same so I need to change. From then you stop cheating and go to your wife. Take time to gaze at her and look at how she has changed. Understand what she has been going through to keep you happy. Do small things like lifting her. Dancing to no music. gentle pecks of kisses. etc.

If you run out of ideas just google. Google has so many things that can help make your life sparkle again.

So basically this is one sided. From a guy PoV. So girls are also like that learn to accept your mistakes and work with hubby for a better life.

Budusaranai!

Why doesn’t my boy friend understand me?

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Hmmmm… well.. I was thinking I should start this but it took some time and since am free now I thought i might as well write it.

The most famous question I have been asked is “Why is my boyfriend not understanding?” she says “I care for him so much and all he does is ignore me”.

Like in Buddhism we learn Dukata hethuwa and duka nathikireemae margaya (the reason to be sad and the path we need to take to resolve this sadness).

What was the misunderstanding they had? well it all starts like this. Normally a guy/girl will have a friend. They maybe best friends or just normal friends. So will take a couple who is just started going out. Now will say the guy gets upset about something. Nothing related to the relationship. The girl gets the whiff of it and starts asking questions.

“Hey, what’s up?”
”Are you ok?”
”Any thing wrong my dear?” etc

The guy replies depending on how much he knows about her. e.g. since they just started going out, his reply would most probably be “Naaa am fine, it will be ok”.

Now how it all started.
girl: “Ane darling, tell me ko?”
boy: “Nothing my dear, just let me be”
girl: “Please tell me, cos i really don’t like to see you upset”.
boy: “I told you nae once, just leave me alone.”
girl: “If there is a problem we need to solve it, please tell me”.

You get my drift right? basically when a guy says “It’s nothing, leave me alone”, they mean it. So please ladies just leave him alone. I know it’s going to bug you for sometime. But in the end he will realize that he ignored you when you were there for him. and he’d come back and tell that he was sorry.

Now again how things can fire off. (ep1)
boy: “Am sorry my dear. I was a bit upset and I needed a moment for myself”.
girl: ”Well, I don’t like you doing that. Am really hurt”.
boy: “I told you nae , it’s all good. Just forget it”.
girl: “What do you mean just forget it?”

You get my drift again? how this could have ended.(ep2)
boy: “Am sorry my dear. I was a bit upset and I needed a moment for myself.”
girl: “Hey baby, it’s ok. i can understand. I just wanted to let you know am always there for you until the end. I love you.”
The guy gets lucky that night.. ;)..

Now this is where the friend comes in (ep1).
Friend: “What’s the scene man u look pissed.”
boy: “Yea men. I have this problem i told you and my women constantly keeps nagging and asking me what’s wrong. Even if I tell it’s nothing to do with us she keeps telling this shyt man… WTF”.
Friend: “Dude chill, lets go have a beer”.

Now (ep1) if the friend was a girl
Friend “Hey is everything ok?”
boy: “Yea, shape. Just that my girl doesn’t understand my feelings. I don’t know what to do”

As you can see from the example how some other problem becomes their problem. 😦

The best thing to do is talk to your partner. Understand him and his reactions. By no time you guys will be loving each other with less problems.

Me off for now. ttyl

Marriage

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To those who are married, .. Not married .. and soon to be married

When I got home that night as my wife served dinner, I held her hand and said, I’ve got something to tell you. She sat down and ate quietly. Again I observed the hurt in her eyes.

Suddenly I didn’t know how to open my mouth. But I had to let her know what I was thinking. I want a divorce. I raised the topic calmly.

She didn’t seem to be annoyed by my words, instead she asked me softly, why?

I avoided her question. This made her angry. She threw away the chopsticks and shouted at me, you are not a man! That night, we didn’t talk to each other. She was weeping. I knew she wanted to find out what had happened to our marriage. But I could hardly give her a satisfactory answer; she had lost my heart to Dew. I didn’t love her anymore. I just pitied her!

With a deep sense of guilt, I drafted a divorce agreement which stated that she could own our house, our car, and 30% stake of my company.

She glanced at it and then tore it into pieces. The woman who had spent ten years of her life with me had become a stranger. I felt sorry for her wasted time, resources and energy but I could not take back what I had said for I loved Dew so dearly. Finally she cried loudly in front of me, which was what I had expected to see. To me her cry was actually a kind of release. The idea of divorce which had obsessed me for several weeks seemed to be firmer and clearer now.

The next day, I came back home very late and found her writing something at the table. I didn’t have supper but went straight to sleep and fell asleep very fast because I was tired after an eventful day with Dew.

When I woke up, she was still there at the table writing. I just did not care so I turned over and was asleep again.

In the morning she presented her divorce conditions: she didn’t want anything from me, but needed a month’s notice before the divorce.

She requested that in that one month we both struggle to live as normal a life as possible. Her reasons were simple: our son had his exams in a month’s time and she didn’t want to disrupt him with our broken marriage.

This was agreeable to me. But she had something more, she asked me to recall how I had carried her into our bridal room on our wedding day.

She requested that everyday for the month’s duration I carry her out of our bedroom to the front door every morning. I thought she was going crazy. Just to make our last days together bearable I accepted her odd request.

I told Dew about my wife’s divorce conditions… She laughed loudly and thought it was absurd. No matter what tricks she applies, she has to face the divorce, she said scornfully.

My wife and I hadn’t had any body contact since my divorce intention was explicitly expressed. So when I carried her out on the first day, we both appeared clumsy. Our son clapped behind us, daddy is holding mummy in his arms. His words brought me a sense of pain. From the bedroom to the sitting room, then to the door, I walked over ten meters with her in my arms. She closed her eyes and said softly; don’t tell our son about the divorce. I nodded, feeling somewhat upset. I put her down outside the door. She went to wait for the bus to work. I drove alone to the office.

On the second day, both of us acted much more easily. She leaned on my chest. I could smell the fragrance of her blouse. I realized that I hadn’t looked at this woman carefully for a long time.. I realized she was not young any more. There were fine wrinkles on her face, her hair was graying! Our marriage had taken its toll on her. For a minute I wondered what I had done to her.

On the fourth day, when I lifted her up, I felt a sense of intimacy returning. This was the woman who had given ten years of her life to me.

On the fifth and sixth day, I realized that our sense of intimacy was growing again. I didn’t tell Dew about this. It became easier to carry her as the month slipped by. Perhaps the everyday workout made me stronger.

She was choosing what to wear one morning. She tried on quite a few dresses but could not find a suitable one. Then she sighed, all my dresses have grown bigger. I suddenly realized that she had grown so thin, that was the reason why I could carry her more easily.

Suddenly it hit me… she had buried so much pain and bitterness in her heart. Subconsciously I reached out and touched her head.

Our son came in at the moment and said, “Dad, it’s time to carry mum out”. To him, seeing his father carrying his mother out had become an essential part of his life. My wife gestured to our son to come closer and hugged him tightly. I turned my face away because I was afraid I might change my mind at this last minute. I then held her in my arms, walking from the bedroom, through the sitting room, to the hallway. Her hand surrounded my neck softly and naturally. I held her body tightly; it was just like our wedding day.

But her much lighter weight made me sad. On the last day, when I held her in my arms I could hardly move a step. Our son had gone to school. I held her tightly and said, I hadn’t noticed that our life lacked intimacy.

I drove to office…. jumped out of the car swiftly without locking the door. I was afraid any delay would make me change my mind… I walked upstairs. Dew opened the door and I said to her, “Sorry, Dew, I do not want the divorce anymore”.

She looked at me, astonished, and then touched my forehead. “Do you have a fever?” She said. I moved her hand off my head. “Sorry, Dew”, I said, “I won’t divorce. My marriage life was boring probably because she and I didn’t value the details of our lives, not because we didn’t love each other any more. Now I realize that since I carried her into my home on our wedding day I am supposed to hold her until death do us apart”.

Dew seemed to suddenly wake up. She gave me a loud slap and then slammed the door and burst into tears. I walked downstairs and drove away.

At the floral shop on the way, I ordered a bouquet of flowers for my wife. The salesgirl asked me what to write on the card. I smiled and wrote, “I’ll carry you out every morning until death do us apart”.

That evening I arrived home, flowers in my hands, a smile on my face, I run up stairs, only to find my wife in the bed – dead.

The small details of your lives are what really matter in a relationship. It is not the mansion, the car, property, the money in the bank, blah..blah..blah.These create an environment conducive for happiness but cannot give happiness in themselves. So find time to be your spouse’s friend and do those little things for each other that build intimacy.. Do have a real happy marriage!

If you don’t share this, nothing will happen to you.

If you do, you just might save a marriage

LIFE IS TO LOVE ……

This was what i got from an email.